Cheating spouses and their children
Posted in Marriage and tagged with Child Development, Marriage Mistakes on 05/06/2009 08:16 pm by Rachael
Warning: This will be a rant. I may use strong language, and I will get up on my soap box.Â
One of the first things I came across this morning was Us Weekly breaking the story that Jon of ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ was indeed cheating on his wife. Jon Gosselin means nothing to me nor am I a huge fan of the show. I have no opinion of Kate either way and still I felt such a deep sorrow I could have wept for that family right there at my kitchen table.
In fact every single time I hear about infidelity involving kids I feel such sorrow and hurt; and feel such rage towards the cheater. I do not understand how a parent could do that to their family; to their children. When you cheat on your spouse you are not only cheating on them–you are cheating on your entire family.Â
You are telling your children that they mean nothing, are worth nothing. Think about it.  Your children make up your family and when you go outside of your marriage with another person you are saying your family is not important. Your family is expendable. Your family is replaceable. You will devisatate your children’s world. Forever. Your innocent happy children will form their very first brick wall around their heart. Â
Congratulations. Your a big fucking loser and your kids deserve better.
I am not saying I don’t understand why some people cheat. I am human, I have felt attraction to other men other than my husband. But when you open up your mind to that possibility and open your heart to another person outside of your marriage, you have set yourself up to lose. You have created a live bomb that will detonate in the core of your family; in the core of your children’s safe haven. Just don’t even go there.
Work your problems out with your spouse. Do not use your problems as a free ticket into the pants of someone new. Because I promise a strangers vagina will not fix your problems with your wife, that is your penis talking. And I know how persuasive he can be, but keep your pants zipped. You will thank yourself when you do finally reconnect with your family. You will be proud of your morals and proud of your strength.Â
I know a few couples that have an open marriage and they are happy and healthy and absolutely thriving.  While this would never work for me I am all for it–as long as it is mutually accepted–I say hats off.  I think cheating hurts primarily because of the lying; the act itself comes in a close second. These couples have managed to take that whole stress right off of the table. So if you are doubting your ability to be with one person for the rest of your life–this is the conversation you need to have before having children.Â
On a final note, if you discover your spouse has been sneaking around, lying and cheating, keep the kids out of it. I know how hard this will be but save your fighting for when you are alone. And not alone as in the kids are sleeping because I promise you they are not. They are lying in bed–sobbing–and listening to their secure world fall apart. Be a grown up. Do what your kids deserve. Fight on your time and be parents on their time.
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May 6th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Excellent advice. I can’t understand the concept of an ope marriage, though.
May 7th, 2009 at 6:15 am
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May 7th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Wow. Thanks for posting.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
ah, i wish my husband would believe this. and since he doesn’t, that’s why we don’t live together anymore. thank you for writing it down. my husband starting his first affair when i was pregnant with our first daughter. sadly, it wasn’t his last.
May 8th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
great post! you should talk to my (ex)sister in law, she’s a slutty cheater. my brother’s been really good about keeping the kids out of the whole mess but their mother now has this new guy living in their house, she has him taking care of the kids when she’s not there. They call him “uncle” now (gross)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
No way: Open marriages are time bombs, too.