Hello 30’s…let’s be good to one another
Posted in Body Image, My Journey, Need to lose weight and tagged with Body Image, Career, Social Anxiety on 10/26/2009 08:17 pm by Rachael
I turned 30 yesterday. Finally. Truth be told I have been looking forward to being 30 all year.Â
I wondered if I would feel more like an adult, like a grown-up instead of a fumbling and bumbling 12 year old…we shall see.
A lot of great things are happening lately. My writing is going extremely well and I am making all of the goals I have set for myself. I am going to continue to pursue this dream and I hope 2010 is good to me.
I have also hit the 20 pound mark in my weight loss. I haven’t weighed what I weigh now since before I got pregnant with my son. I am starting to look normal chubby, not “whoa that’s a huge chick!” chubby.Â
I have also finally made a doctor appointment for my anxiety. Lately, I would say for the past month it has been raging, just raging out of control. I feel anxious every single day. If I don’t have a panic attack on top of it, then it was a good day. I have always had anxiety but I have always managed it. When it would get bad, it would always recede and give me peace in between episodes. But not anymore.
I can not live with this constant feeling of dread anymore. Things hit a peak when at my 30′th birthday party on Saturday I had an attack. Not just the normal feeling of irrational fear, but an attack on top of it. The more people that came into the house, the more I felt out of control, out of breath. Not even an hour into the party I was sitting by myself, trying to control the attack, crying, and wishing the party was over. Saying to myself “I can’t wait for this to be over.”
I realize I need help. I am so hesitant to let myself become dependant on medication. My family has a history of addiction and abuse. But I can not live like this anymore.
I will update after my appointment. Here’s to feeling better!
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October 27th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Hang in there! Anxiety is NOT fun to deal with. I know from personal experience. Just raise your concerns with the doctor and hopefully he/she will be able to find you the right kind of medication.
October 27th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
((hugs)) Happy 30th birthday!!
You look wonderful!
October 27th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Happy Birthday and welcome to your 30s! I wish you well in dealing with your anxiety. From what I remember you telling me, you have a lot on your plate. I hope you do take time for yourself to unwind and relax.