Warm Hearts Happy Family

I have lost 40 pounds…my main success factor? I stopped giving food the power.

It started with the 30 Day Shred. If anybody can do what was promised in 30 days I believed Jillian Michael’s could. After I saw such great results I didn’t stop. I joined Weight Watchers with my cousin and great friend and haven’t looked back.

Here is another before and after picture example.

Here is my husband and I Easter of 09

And here we are Easter of this year

Weight loss IS possible, once you believe you are worth it. Once you believe you are worthy of being thin. And we are all worthy of living an energetic and fulfilling life.

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Skinny people may take this for granted.  I am talking about being able to wear a belt without it looking like the knot between two fat sausage links.

Kinks separating your chubby goodness is never a good thing, never. Ever. And isn’t the main purpose of a belt to keep your pants in place?  Well, thank you very much, but I didn’t need any help in that department.  My badonkadonk held my pants up just fine.

I am happy to report that I now am in desperate need of a belt because my pants are falling off my waist at an alarming rate.  While it feels go to be constantly pulling them up (a beautiful reminder that my ass isn’t the continent that it used to be), I am sure it isn’t exactly screaming that is one classy lady.

Next order of business:  buy a sweet looking belt to accentuate my new waist and to invest in some smaller pants. 

Needless to say, I am very thankful this Thanksgiving.  And so is my healthier heart.  Oh, and my feet!  I am sure my feet are also very thankful to have the ease of 30 pounds lifted off of their hard working day.  And hopefully my hubby is thankful too.

You see, I have learned a lot about myself this past year, the biggest thing being that I hate being fat.  I am in control of that now–so goodbye fat pants, its been real but I am off to a more quality life.

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I turned 30 yesterday.  Finally.  Truth be told I have been looking forward to being 30 all year. 

I wondered if I would feel more like an adult, like a grown-up instead of a fumbling and bumbling 12 year old…we shall see.

A lot of great things are happening lately.  My writing is going extremely well and I am making all of the goals I have set for myself.  I am going to continue to pursue this dream and I hope 2010 is good to me.

I have also hit the 20 pound mark in my weight loss.  I haven’t weighed what I weigh now since before I got pregnant with my son.  I am starting to look normal chubby, not “whoa that’s a huge chick!” chubby. 

I have also finally made a doctor appointment for my anxiety.  Lately, I would say for the past month it has been raging, just raging out of control.  I feel anxious every single day.  If I don’t have a panic attack on top of it, then it was a good day.  I have always had anxiety but I have always managed it.  When it would get bad, it would always recede and give me peace in between episodes.  But not anymore.

I can not live with this constant feeling of dread anymore.  Things hit a peak when at my 30′th birthday party on Saturday I had an attack.  Not just the normal feeling of irrational fear, but an attack on top of it.  The more people that came into the house, the more I felt out of control, out of breath.  Not even an hour into the party I was sitting by myself, trying to control the attack, crying, and wishing the party was over.  Saying to myself “I can’t wait for this to be over.”

I realize I need help.  I am so hesitant to let myself become dependant on medication.  My family has a history of addiction and abuse.  But I can not live like this anymore.

I will update after my appointment.  Here’s to feeling better!

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Having a tall husband kicks ass.  Ony several different levels–let me break them down:

First, and most importantly, when you are 5′1 and your husband is 6′5, he is always looking at you from a downward angle.  Downward people!  No wonder he seems oblivious to the fact that I am indeed fat!  This is the short chubby woman’s lottery.  And, BONUS!  My boobs are so big that is where is line of vision probably stops.  Beautiful.

Another brilliant benefit of having a big ol man at home, is he turns from man to human jungle gym instantly.  Down on all 4’s he has enough back space to ride 2 kids (with room for a third…hmmm…one day) horseback at the same time.  Standing upright he reminds me of a strong oak tree–suitable for swinging and climbing on.

If, and let me stress if, some crazy stalker were scoping out our house with malicious intent…the sight of a large-and-in-charge man might be more hassle than our little house is worth.  I tell myself that anyway.

So honey, your mind and friendship are why I married you, but your body is what keeps me around

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And not just a better mom but a better wife, a better employee, and a better member of society.

I am feeling fantastic because slowly…very slowly…I am recognizing the person in the mirror. I am seeing my old face. I am feeling energy instead of exhaustion. And I am feeling skinny(er).

Jillian Michaels and her 30 Day Shred really gave my battery a jump–gave me the motivation to claim my health and body back. I am now on my fifth week of Weight Watchers and am down another 15 pounds! Go me!

I turn 30…in one month. And damn-it I want to be a MILF. I want to feel hip and cool, pretty and successful. I want to have it all and my thick layers of fat were keeping me from the person I want to be.

Like it or not when you are fat, you are discounted in society. You are invisible. And you are not taken seriously. When I hit 220 pounds I experienced this for the first time.

I find it extraordinarily interesting they way people interact differently with me during the different stages of my weight. Weight shouldn’t matter but it does. Your weight–right or wrong–says something about you (accurate or not). I am done feeling fat and inadequate.
I am ready to feel young, empowered, and in control!

My house is a much happier place when I am in control. A much more tranquil and doused-in-love place when I feel good. My family has filled me up with love so strong I practically have joy seeping from my pores and sunshine beaming from my ass. It’s good stuff.

So taking control of my weight and my happiness is the least I can do for them.
I still have a long way to go—as in 50 more pounds to go—but I started. And starting can be the hardest part.

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