Warm Hearts Happy Family

Why did I do that?   I really really hate looking at fat pictures of myself because then I have to face how people really see me; and that is embarrassing.  My cheeks are already turning red. 

 But promise I did so here they come.  And I am even in the same dress, making comparison even easier!

Here I am at a shower in May of 09 (I started the Shred at the end of June but my weight was the same).  I look like a plump centerpiece to all of my fit and pretty friends:

And here is me from this past weekend:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The lovely lady next to me in the second set of pictures is my beautiful little sister.  And I am starting to hold my own next to her again, ya think?

I realize that the time frame of comparisons is 2 months (and not the toted 30 days), but it was all the Shred.  And I did the Shred for about 5 weeks of that time.  So in my experience, it works. 

The numbers on the scale did not go down much, but you can clearly see a difference in inches, and in my overall appearance.

I did the Shred again today, and am going to give it my 100% effort again.  I also just finished my first week of Weight Watchers to kick my weight loss into high hear.

Wish me luck! 

PS:  If you are questing the drastic change in my hair color, see this post.

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If you landed on my site trying to research if the 30 Day Shred works let me start off by saying it does.  Stop contemplating and just go out and buy the DVD.  If you push yourself your body will change and you will feel on top of the world. 

At least this is the experience I have had.  I have been shredding since June 19 (holy crap, almost to my 30 days!) and my stamina went from non-existent to pretty impressive and even though I am still fat, my self confidence is soaring.  Because I am stronger and healthier and I can see my body slimming down.

I’m shredding.

And I have a slight woman crush on Jillian Michaels.  She is just bad ass in every which way–kind of ballsy and mean yet motivational at the same time.  You can’t help but to push yourself because Michaels makes you believe you CAN push yourself, that EVERYBODY is capable of working out and working out hard. 

I needed to hear that.  I needed somebody to tell me that just because I am overweight doesn’t mean I can’t work out hard–she leaves zero room for giving yourself excuses.

My overall experience has been beyond positive.  My original goal was to be down a pant size in the 30 days and I am almost there.  I am going to have to really turn it up this week if I am going to make that happen.  

 When I started this adventure I was about to bust my fat pants up to the next level–up to the pants that have the W for Woman after the size.  Like once you hit the point that your silhouette resembles that of an overweight upright brown bear (or polar as is my pasty case) you have made it–you are a woman baby.  

Not the look that suites me best.  So Shred I will continue to do–push myself I will do until I am down another full size.  After that who knows!  I have always categorized people (judge me if you want) and one of my biggest categories were people that work out (hot) and people that don’t (lazy). 

I have jumped (and jumping jacked, plank rowed, high kneeded and crunched) into the workout category and that feels incredible.

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I am on day 12 of the 30 Day Shred and I am kicking my own ASS for not taking a before picture.  I also want to punch myself in the face for not taking any measurements because this is the type of plan in which these two activities are essential. 

You see as things droop stand I am building muscle for the first time in years.  A decade really.  And being almost 100% body fat, the process of burning that and building muscle is actually making the scale go up.  UP.  And seeing those brutal numbers rise makes me want to crawl into bed and never come out. 

So by not having a before picture, or any measurements, the number on the scale is making me feel like a failure.

So I am going to have the husband do these things for me tonight (hopefully he will have managed this insane task called getting the kids bathed and in bed before 10pm when I am due home) so I can get a more acurate representation of my efforts. 

And…

I am going to post the before and after pictures when I am done.  And if you know me, you know how hard this will be for me.  Because when it comes right down to it I am just vein, and absolutely mortified at the way I look; with they way I have let myself go. 

But…

This is necessary for a number of reasons.  The first being I need to own my body, and stop pretending like the world hasn’t noticed I got fat.  I need to embrace myself at this weight and stop letting the extra layer(s) validate me as a person.

 The second reason is to help motivate others.  When I googled 30 Day Shred before and after pictures, most of the results I found were ladies that were already thin to begin with.  Not so much help for me, or others that may have 50 or more pounds to lose. 

And besides the self therapy and the motivation for others, I want to have documentation of my journey.  While this will never be a fitness blog, having a place to track my progress and results will be huge for keeping my fat ass off the couch eye on the prize. 

And the prize is huge, the rewards many.  To name a small few… 

• Self Confidence
• Pride
• Healthy Sex Life
• Active lifestyle
• Success
• Cute Clothes
• Enjoying the Summer (for the first time in years)
• Accomplishment 

So here begins my documented journey and I pray that I stick with my plans…because if I attempt and fail at losing weight one more time, my husband better just order a crane to lift my obese-ness and break me out of the bedroom through the roof of the house.

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A late afternoon nap + a blog idea racing through my mind + feeling randy (ew, I have an Uncle Randy) amorous (huh?) horn (not even going to go there, my family reads this for goodness sake) romantic while my husband snores beside me = INSOMNIA.

So here is my random thought (and not the brilliant post still racing in my head).

Sundresses.

Yep, going to invest in sundresses this summer.  There is no other way around it.  No matter what combination of shorts, jeans, capris, my elastic waistband maternity shorts from last year, or skirts my double stomach screams at people to look at it.  Screams.  And it is scary.

I have this unfortunate pounch left over from 2 enormous pregnancies and a sad under-the-belly-button stomach that would make a teenage boy gag a little and look away.  (Yet another badge of honor fathers deserve yet it goes unnoticed–loving your wife post baby.  And that is love.  Or denial but both work for me.)  And speaking of belly buttons, mine is sadly trapped between the two said stomachs–unrecognizable–and weeping for what it once was. 

A sundress however promises not to cut me in two.  Sure I might be mistaken for pregnant but I’ll take it, and just tell the dumb schmuck I am due in December–another boy!  I know, were blessed.

See also How you know it is really time to lose weight and Part 2.  And somebody, anybody, kick my ass in gear!  30 Day Shred here I come!

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I was very late to the Internet craze.  I never IM’ed when it was THE THING TO DO on a Friday night.  I never spent hours looking up my favorite celebrities, and I never used the glow of the computer screen to eat up my life–days at a time.

But….

In the last few years I have gotten very into social sites like Facebook.  I quickly learned how much the internet can enhance my life, friendships, and career opportunities.  Now I am completely immersed in the social media and networking scene and use sites like Twitter daily .  

I am having a mild love affair with my computer.

What I am also discovering is how inundated and repulsive the porn industry is.  They shove themselves into your personal space at every opportunity, and force you to realize and ackowledge the seedy underbelly of the Internet. 

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with porn.  What adults want to do with their time, bodies, and sexual exploration is their right and their business.  What I have a problem with is the industry exploiting human weakness and throwing erotic images under the noses of unsuspecting people, who did not ask for the distraction, nor seek it out.

Almost daily I get a new twitter follower that is so obviously peddling porn (and sometimes not-so-obvious).  And before I block them–sometimes, sometimes–I am tempted to click on the link.  I am grossly curious of what I will see.  And sometimes I do click, roll my eyes, and block the person from my existence.  

But what will our children do?

Porn addiction is a real condition and can be very damaging.  When started at puberty, before a child is mature and self assured enough to process the images, porn can stunt their social growth.  They will get the satisfaction from their computer screen and never learn the skills needed to sustain a healthy relationship.  They can become reclusive and depressed and disconnected from the real world.  Sexual reality becomes so far off  base it can seem impossible to plug into the real world.

And how about our men?  Our significant others and husbands? 

To start, I am not giving men a free pass or get out of jail free card.  But men are visual.  Men are carnal and men love sex.  They love the female body.  Naked.  And preferably doing things they may be too embarrassed to ask their wives to do.  And porn is there, shoving itself down the throats of the Internet goer in almost every place men visit.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out a fantasy football/baseball/sport-of-any-kind forum.  Ads are there, and posters are there to lure men into that “place”.  For many men this becomes a place to escape, and to forget about the stress in their lives.  For the whole 30 seconds. Â

I don’t blame the men for getting sucked in, I really don’t.  Because on the rarest of occasion it sucks me in too.  And with a full time career, 2 kids, breastfeeding, writing, and the general running of my house–sex and porn are the LAST things I am interested in.  But pull me in it can.  So men…I love you, I love the ass backwards way your minds work, and I understand.  I really do.

But what can this do to your marriage? 

 I have seen many marriages fall victim to porn.  And it is never the porn itself.  It is the lying, the lack of respect, the sexless marriages, and the disgust that porn industry brings into many lives.  And many lives it does ruin.  And I have a slightly better understanding of it now; now that I see how often porn comes to the Internet user in hopes to suck away your money, marriage, dreams, and self dignity.

OK, that was just slightly dramatic and I am laughing at myself because I know many couples that are healthy and thriving and have a healthy relationship with porn.  But I fear more do not. 

So what is my point?   I fear what our world will look like when my children are old enough to use the Internet unsupervised.  I fear what the Internet porn industry is doing for the morality of our generation, and the generation of our children.  And I fear that many couples–too ashamed to admit it–have unsatisfied sex lives because of the unrealistic expectations porn brings into their lives.

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