Warm Hearts Happy Family

I was very late to the Internet craze.  I never IM’ed when it was THE THING TO DO on a Friday night.  I never spent hours looking up my favorite celebrities, and I never used the glow of the computer screen to eat up my life–days at a time.

But….

In the last few years I have gotten very into social sites like Facebook.  I quickly learned how much the internet can enhance my life, friendships, and career opportunities.  Now I am completely immersed in the social media and networking scene and use sites like Twitter daily .  

I am having a mild love affair with my computer.

What I am also discovering is how inundated and repulsive the porn industry is.  They shove themselves into your personal space at every opportunity, and force you to realize and ackowledge the seedy underbelly of the Internet. 

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with porn.  What adults want to do with their time, bodies, and sexual exploration is their right and their business.  What I have a problem with is the industry exploiting human weakness and throwing erotic images under the noses of unsuspecting people, who did not ask for the distraction, nor seek it out.

Almost daily I get a new twitter follower that is so obviously peddling porn (and sometimes not-so-obvious).  And before I block them–sometimes, sometimes–I am tempted to click on the link.  I am grossly curious of what I will see.  And sometimes I do click, roll my eyes, and block the person from my existence.  

But what will our children do?

Porn addiction is a real condition and can be very damaging.  When started at puberty, before a child is mature and self assured enough to process the images, porn can stunt their social growth.  They will get the satisfaction from their computer screen and never learn the skills needed to sustain a healthy relationship.  They can become reclusive and depressed and disconnected from the real world.  Sexual reality becomes so far off  base it can seem impossible to plug into the real world.

And how about our men?  Our significant others and husbands? 

To start, I am not giving men a free pass or get out of jail free card.  But men are visual.  Men are carnal and men love sex.  They love the female body.  Naked.  And preferably doing things they may be too embarrassed to ask their wives to do.  And porn is there, shoving itself down the throats of the Internet goer in almost every place men visit.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out a fantasy football/baseball/sport-of-any-kind forum.  Ads are there, and posters are there to lure men into that “place”.  For many men this becomes a place to escape, and to forget about the stress in their lives.  For the whole 30 seconds. Â

I don’t blame the men for getting sucked in, I really don’t.  Because on the rarest of occasion it sucks me in too.  And with a full time career, 2 kids, breastfeeding, writing, and the general running of my house–sex and porn are the LAST things I am interested in.  But pull me in it can.  So men…I love you, I love the ass backwards way your minds work, and I understand.  I really do.

But what can this do to your marriage? 

 I have seen many marriages fall victim to porn.  And it is never the porn itself.  It is the lying, the lack of respect, the sexless marriages, and the disgust that porn industry brings into many lives.  And many lives it does ruin.  And I have a slightly better understanding of it now; now that I see how often porn comes to the Internet user in hopes to suck away your money, marriage, dreams, and self dignity.

OK, that was just slightly dramatic and I am laughing at myself because I know many couples that are healthy and thriving and have a healthy relationship with porn.  But I fear more do not. 

So what is my point?   I fear what our world will look like when my children are old enough to use the Internet unsupervised.  I fear what the Internet porn industry is doing for the morality of our generation, and the generation of our children.  And I fear that many couples–too ashamed to admit it–have unsatisfied sex lives because of the unrealistic expectations porn brings into their lives.

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Families need heroes–people who do little things for the ones they love everyday just for the sake of their happiness and for their well being. 

My husband is one such hero and a remarkable father and husband.  A true man both physically (yum yum) and emotionally with a love that radiates from his very core.

Not only does he show his family he loves us by his words and hugs and kisses, but his actions tell us the same story.  I had a very busy day planned yesterday and had to have both kids up and out of the house fairly early so when I got an unexpected visitor–the once a month kind of visitor–and no means of dealing with it (pads people, talking about pads) I was frustrated to say the least. 

I told hubby of the situation on the phone and wasn’t even entirely sure he was paying attention to me.  30 minutes later he walks through the front door with a bag of feminine goodies and smile.  He left work to go to the store just to make my life easier.  Just to make my day a little bit better. 

OK, so that was a bit on the sappy side for a story about tampons, but I am telling you it is the little things that make me thankful.  And make me absolutely grateful I married the man that I did.

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Warning:  This will be a rant.  I may use strong language, and I will get up on my soap box. 

One of the first things I came across this morning was Us Weekly breaking the story that Jon of ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ was indeed cheating on his wife.  Jon Gosselin means nothing to me nor am I a huge fan of the show.  I have no opinion of Kate either way and still I felt such a deep sorrow I could have wept for that family right there at my kitchen table.

In fact every single time I hear about infidelity involving kids I feel such sorrow and hurt; and feel such rage towards the cheater.  I do not understand how a parent could do that to their family; to their children.  When you cheat on your spouse you are not only cheating on them–you are cheating on your entire family. 

You are telling your children that they mean nothing, are worth nothing.  Think about it.  Your children make up your family and when you go outside of your marriage with another person you are saying your family is not important.  Your family is expendable.  Your family is replaceable.  You will devisatate your children’s world.  Forever.  Your innocent happy children will form their very first brick wall around their heart.  

Congratulations.  Your a big fucking loser and your kids deserve better.

I am not saying I don’t understand why some people cheat.  I am human, I have felt attraction to other men other than my husband.  But when you open up your mind to that possibility and open your heart to another person outside of your marriage, you have set yourself up to lose.  You have created a live bomb that will detonate in the core of your family; in the core of your children’s safe haven.  Just don’t even go there.

Work your problems out with your spouse.  Do not use your problems as a free ticket into the pants of someone new.  Because I promise a strangers vagina will not fix your problems with your wife, that is your penis talking.  And I know how persuasive he can be, but keep your pants zipped.  You will thank yourself when you do finally reconnect with your family.  You will be proud of your morals and proud of your strength. 

I know a few couples that have an open marriage and they are happy and healthy and absolutely thriving.  While this would never work for me I am all for it–as long as it is mutually accepted–I say hats off.  I think cheating hurts primarily because of the lying; the act itself comes in a close second.  These couples have managed to take that whole stress right off of the table.  So if you are doubting your ability to be with one person for the rest of your life–this is the conversation you need to have before having children. 

On a final note, if you discover your spouse has been sneaking around, lying and cheating, keep the kids out of it.  I know how hard this will be but save your fighting for when you are alone.  And not alone as in the kids are sleeping because I promise you they are not.  They are lying in bed–sobbing–and listening to their secure world fall apart.  Be a grown up.  Do what your kids deserve.  Fight on your time and be parents on their time.

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Staying positive and uplifted and joyful can be almost impossible for many families in our current economy. And I get why. The news is full of unemployment rates, layoffs, company bail outs, and greedy CEO’s. Seems the old saying holds true; the rich keep getting richer while the poor — you get what I am saying.

The thing that helps me is to remember all the things I do have. I refuse to give up my power; refuse to let finances or any other stress put a shadow over my families well being.

Yesterday my husband came dangerously close to a lay off. Our household can not survive without his salary. Hell, we are just barely surviving with his salary. When we learned the news we immediately went to our worst case scenario and worked backwards from there. We had a game plan within the first five minutes which took much of our anxiety away.

In the end, his job is secure (for now) but the day made me proud. I was proud of our teamwork, proud that we pulled together instead of letting the stress make us crazy. I was proud that we never skipped a beat and our children are none the wiser. Because in the end, for me, that is what happiness is. If my children feel safe and secure and happy, then my world is all good.

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My husband is really awe-inspiring , as in character worthy — make other women jealous — amazing. I appreciate all he does, really I do…but please allow me to complain. Just for a brief moment; a blip really. And then I will remind my self of his awesome-ness, really I will try.

The man is just slightly obsessive compulsive. And antsy. And has the shortest attention span ever. Oh, and he is tremendously absent minded. He can not stand a messy house but he is the -throw everything in a closet screw the consequences - type of guy. And even worse he throws everything away. Disorder be damned! In one graceful swoop an entire counter of clutter will wind up in the garbage; whether it is vital information or not. Nice.

This also means moms stuff is always missing - and most of the time - gone forever.

I am not exaggerating. We recently finished our basement and with that came cleaning out the storage room down there. I found Christmas presents from 3 years ago that I forgot I even received! He had them stuffed away so lightning quick I never even realized I was missing them.

Crazy, crazy man. Wait till the kids are older…they are going to love this as much as I do!

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