Warm Hearts Happy Family

I was very late to the Internet craze.  I never IM’ed when it was THE THING TO DO on a Friday night.  I never spent hours looking up my favorite celebrities, and I never used the glow of the computer screen to eat up my life–days at a time.

But….

In the last few years I have gotten very into social sites like Facebook.  I quickly learned how much the internet can enhance my life, friendships, and career opportunities.  Now I am completely immersed in the social media and networking scene and use sites like Twitter daily .  

I am having a mild love affair with my computer.

What I am also discovering is how inundated and repulsive the porn industry is.  They shove themselves into your personal space at every opportunity, and force you to realize and ackowledge the seedy underbelly of the Internet. 

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with porn.  What adults want to do with their time, bodies, and sexual exploration is their right and their business.  What I have a problem with is the industry exploiting human weakness and throwing erotic images under the noses of unsuspecting people, who did not ask for the distraction, nor seek it out.

Almost daily I get a new twitter follower that is so obviously peddling porn (and sometimes not-so-obvious).  And before I block them–sometimes, sometimes–I am tempted to click on the link.  I am grossly curious of what I will see.  And sometimes I do click, roll my eyes, and block the person from my existence.  

But what will our children do?

Porn addiction is a real condition and can be very damaging.  When started at puberty, before a child is mature and self assured enough to process the images, porn can stunt their social growth.  They will get the satisfaction from their computer screen and never learn the skills needed to sustain a healthy relationship.  They can become reclusive and depressed and disconnected from the real world.  Sexual reality becomes so far off  base it can seem impossible to plug into the real world.

And how about our men?  Our significant others and husbands? 

To start, I am not giving men a free pass or get out of jail free card.  But men are visual.  Men are carnal and men love sex.  They love the female body.  Naked.  And preferably doing things they may be too embarrassed to ask their wives to do.  And porn is there, shoving itself down the throats of the Internet goer in almost every place men visit.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out a fantasy football/baseball/sport-of-any-kind forum.  Ads are there, and posters are there to lure men into that “place”.  For many men this becomes a place to escape, and to forget about the stress in their lives.  For the whole 30 seconds. Â

I don’t blame the men for getting sucked in, I really don’t.  Because on the rarest of occasion it sucks me in too.  And with a full time career, 2 kids, breastfeeding, writing, and the general running of my house–sex and porn are the LAST things I am interested in.  But pull me in it can.  So men…I love you, I love the ass backwards way your minds work, and I understand.  I really do.

But what can this do to your marriage? 

 I have seen many marriages fall victim to porn.  And it is never the porn itself.  It is the lying, the lack of respect, the sexless marriages, and the disgust that porn industry brings into many lives.  And many lives it does ruin.  And I have a slightly better understanding of it now; now that I see how often porn comes to the Internet user in hopes to suck away your money, marriage, dreams, and self dignity.

OK, that was just slightly dramatic and I am laughing at myself because I know many couples that are healthy and thriving and have a healthy relationship with porn.  But I fear more do not. 

So what is my point?   I fear what our world will look like when my children are old enough to use the Internet unsupervised.  I fear what the Internet porn industry is doing for the morality of our generation, and the generation of our children.  And I fear that many couples–too ashamed to admit it–have unsatisfied sex lives because of the unrealistic expectations porn brings into their lives.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Warning:  This will be a rant.  I may use strong language, and I will get up on my soap box. 

One of the first things I came across this morning was Us Weekly breaking the story that Jon of ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ was indeed cheating on his wife.  Jon Gosselin means nothing to me nor am I a huge fan of the show.  I have no opinion of Kate either way and still I felt such a deep sorrow I could have wept for that family right there at my kitchen table.

In fact every single time I hear about infidelity involving kids I feel such sorrow and hurt; and feel such rage towards the cheater.  I do not understand how a parent could do that to their family; to their children.  When you cheat on your spouse you are not only cheating on them–you are cheating on your entire family. 

You are telling your children that they mean nothing, are worth nothing.  Think about it.  Your children make up your family and when you go outside of your marriage with another person you are saying your family is not important.  Your family is expendable.  Your family is replaceable.  You will devisatate your children’s world.  Forever.  Your innocent happy children will form their very first brick wall around their heart.  

Congratulations.  Your a big fucking loser and your kids deserve better.

I am not saying I don’t understand why some people cheat.  I am human, I have felt attraction to other men other than my husband.  But when you open up your mind to that possibility and open your heart to another person outside of your marriage, you have set yourself up to lose.  You have created a live bomb that will detonate in the core of your family; in the core of your children’s safe haven.  Just don’t even go there.

Work your problems out with your spouse.  Do not use your problems as a free ticket into the pants of someone new.  Because I promise a strangers vagina will not fix your problems with your wife, that is your penis talking.  And I know how persuasive he can be, but keep your pants zipped.  You will thank yourself when you do finally reconnect with your family.  You will be proud of your morals and proud of your strength. 

I know a few couples that have an open marriage and they are happy and healthy and absolutely thriving.  While this would never work for me I am all for it–as long as it is mutually accepted–I say hats off.  I think cheating hurts primarily because of the lying; the act itself comes in a close second.  These couples have managed to take that whole stress right off of the table.  So if you are doubting your ability to be with one person for the rest of your life–this is the conversation you need to have before having children. 

On a final note, if you discover your spouse has been sneaking around, lying and cheating, keep the kids out of it.  I know how hard this will be but save your fighting for when you are alone.  And not alone as in the kids are sleeping because I promise you they are not.  They are lying in bed–sobbing–and listening to their secure world fall apart.  Be a grown up.  Do what your kids deserve.  Fight on your time and be parents on their time.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!