Warm Hearts Happy Family

I was very late to the Internet craze.  I never IM’ed when it was THE THING TO DO on a Friday night.  I never spent hours looking up my favorite celebrities, and I never used the glow of the computer screen to eat up my life–days at a time.

But….

In the last few years I have gotten very into social sites like Facebook.  I quickly learned how much the internet can enhance my life, friendships, and career opportunities.  Now I am completely immersed in the social media and networking scene and use sites like Twitter daily .  

I am having a mild love affair with my computer.

What I am also discovering is how inundated and repulsive the porn industry is.  They shove themselves into your personal space at every opportunity, and force you to realize and ackowledge the seedy underbelly of the Internet. 

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with porn.  What adults want to do with their time, bodies, and sexual exploration is their right and their business.  What I have a problem with is the industry exploiting human weakness and throwing erotic images under the noses of unsuspecting people, who did not ask for the distraction, nor seek it out.

Almost daily I get a new twitter follower that is so obviously peddling porn (and sometimes not-so-obvious).  And before I block them–sometimes, sometimes–I am tempted to click on the link.  I am grossly curious of what I will see.  And sometimes I do click, roll my eyes, and block the person from my existence.  

But what will our children do?

Porn addiction is a real condition and can be very damaging.  When started at puberty, before a child is mature and self assured enough to process the images, porn can stunt their social growth.  They will get the satisfaction from their computer screen and never learn the skills needed to sustain a healthy relationship.  They can become reclusive and depressed and disconnected from the real world.  Sexual reality becomes so far off  base it can seem impossible to plug into the real world.

And how about our men?  Our significant others and husbands? 

To start, I am not giving men a free pass or get out of jail free card.  But men are visual.  Men are carnal and men love sex.  They love the female body.  Naked.  And preferably doing things they may be too embarrassed to ask their wives to do.  And porn is there, shoving itself down the throats of the Internet goer in almost every place men visit.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out a fantasy football/baseball/sport-of-any-kind forum.  Ads are there, and posters are there to lure men into that “place”.  For many men this becomes a place to escape, and to forget about the stress in their lives.  For the whole 30 seconds. Â

I don’t blame the men for getting sucked in, I really don’t.  Because on the rarest of occasion it sucks me in too.  And with a full time career, 2 kids, breastfeeding, writing, and the general running of my house–sex and porn are the LAST things I am interested in.  But pull me in it can.  So men…I love you, I love the ass backwards way your minds work, and I understand.  I really do.

But what can this do to your marriage? 

 I have seen many marriages fall victim to porn.  And it is never the porn itself.  It is the lying, the lack of respect, the sexless marriages, and the disgust that porn industry brings into many lives.  And many lives it does ruin.  And I have a slightly better understanding of it now; now that I see how often porn comes to the Internet user in hopes to suck away your money, marriage, dreams, and self dignity.

OK, that was just slightly dramatic and I am laughing at myself because I know many couples that are healthy and thriving and have a healthy relationship with porn.  But I fear more do not. 

So what is my point?   I fear what our world will look like when my children are old enough to use the Internet unsupervised.  I fear what the Internet porn industry is doing for the morality of our generation, and the generation of our children.  And I fear that many couples–too ashamed to admit it–have unsatisfied sex lives because of the unrealistic expectations porn brings into their lives.

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Families need heroes–people who do little things for the ones they love everyday just for the sake of their happiness and for their well being. 

My husband is one such hero and a remarkable father and husband.  A true man both physically (yum yum) and emotionally with a love that radiates from his very core.

Not only does he show his family he loves us by his words and hugs and kisses, but his actions tell us the same story.  I had a very busy day planned yesterday and had to have both kids up and out of the house fairly early so when I got an unexpected visitor–the once a month kind of visitor–and no means of dealing with it (pads people, talking about pads) I was frustrated to say the least. 

I told hubby of the situation on the phone and wasn’t even entirely sure he was paying attention to me.  30 minutes later he walks through the front door with a bag of feminine goodies and smile.  He left work to go to the store just to make my life easier.  Just to make my day a little bit better. 

OK, so that was a bit on the sappy side for a story about tampons, but I am telling you it is the little things that make me thankful.  And make me absolutely grateful I married the man that I did.

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I am in a funk.  The deep funk that makes it almost impossible to smile.  Maybe I am being a little dramatic but I feel blah just the same.

I honestly believe that the entire tone of the families dynamic rests with the inner happiness of the primary parent; or both parents as the case may be.  In my family mom is where it’s at.  Dad–by his very nature–is goofy, happy go-lucky, and full of energy.  He has this unique gift of ignoring all of his life stresses and can find his happy place at the snap of a finger.  Me not so much.  I have to actually be happy to find my happy place.  And it is also me that sets our family tone.  I need to crawl out of this bad mood because there is only so much pretending I can do.

What is causing my normally bright optimistic self to have a low burning irritation that is ready to ignite into full blown rage at the most unsuspecting person?  A few things…

1.  I am so tired.  Now that Diva Baby is nursing much less frequently in the middle of the night I decide to start staying up past 11pm.  Party animal I know. 

2.  I am a chronic procrastinator.  I have recognized how much stress this adds to my life and yet I can not seem to get my shit together.  I leave tasks and assignments to pile up until I have so much in front of me I feel like I might explode with anxiety and exasperation mixed with rage and desperation.  Dramatic again?  My bad.

3.  I need to get laid.  Those Hawaiian flowers are divine. 

I am sure I will bounce back to my positive life loving self tomorrow.  Going home to some good snuggle time with the kids, followed by good wine, followed by a much needed good nights sleep.

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My husband is really awe-inspiring , as in character worthy — make other women jealous — amazing. I appreciate all he does, really I do…but please allow me to complain. Just for a brief moment; a blip really. And then I will remind my self of his awesome-ness, really I will try.

The man is just slightly obsessive compulsive. And antsy. And has the shortest attention span ever. Oh, and he is tremendously absent minded. He can not stand a messy house but he is the -throw everything in a closet screw the consequences - type of guy. And even worse he throws everything away. Disorder be damned! In one graceful swoop an entire counter of clutter will wind up in the garbage; whether it is vital information or not. Nice.

This also means moms stuff is always missing - and most of the time - gone forever.

I am not exaggerating. We recently finished our basement and with that came cleaning out the storage room down there. I found Christmas presents from 3 years ago that I forgot I even received! He had them stuffed away so lightning quick I never even realized I was missing them.

Crazy, crazy man. Wait till the kids are older…they are going to love this as much as I do!

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Original version posted at detnews.com MichMoms blog

I am amazed at the success I am experiencing this year and am more convinced now than ever that you can take control of your life. You can make your life anything that you want it to be. I never dreamed I would be creating the opportunities for myself that I have. Never dreamed I would rediscover my childhood dreams and see them come to life. Never dreamed I would be so satisfied in my career. And most of all, never dreamed my family would fill me up with so much love and happiness that joy spills over into every thing I do.

My family is amazing. My husband…he is so much more than my husband. He is my best friend and my teammate. He enables me to be the mother I am and to follow my dreams. He enables me because of the kind of man he is…the most nurturing and loving father I have ever seen. And he keeps our house in amazing order which gives me time for me. And when we have time for ourselves we can give so much more of the good stuff to the world.

I can’t help but wonder why? Why is everything in my life going as I want it? I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and the answer is simple. Because I changed my attitude. Because I started believing in myself. Because I took control of my life instead of waiting for my life to just happen.

I am fully aware that we are just shy of April and the year is has really just begun. But the old me would wait for something to implode, would wait for some terrible tragedy to overtake my happy bubble, or would wait for my career to fall flat. The new me realizes your life will be whatever you choose it to be. Your life is up to you to create. Your life can be the things that dreams are made of.

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