Warm Hearts Happy Family

Just keep swimming...

Cough, Cough, HACK.

That was me choking on the ploom of dust that bellowed upward as I cracked my beloved blog.

I have missed my baby, but mama is out making the money honey. One of my 2010 goals is to begin earning a livable income through writing. So that is where my “free time” has been spent. Working with clients that pay well for quality work.

Last year I made a grand total of…drum roll…$275. I know, I know. Baller. Since January I am happy to report that I have earned $615, not bad for 2 months (and on an extremly part time basis, as my real day job takes priority).

Just more arsenal in the hope bank. Hope for my future and hope for my dreams.  And hope for our financial security.

The affirmations keep coming that I am on the right path, that writing is my truth. And that I might actually have what it takes to “make it” doing something that I love.

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I am a strong person, always have been.  I am a problem solver, a solution finder–always.  I am the level headed one, the person people bring their problems to.  The one that can see a situation from all angles, all possibilities, all sides, almost immediately.  I have always put my identity in my strength, in my ability to meet my goals.

So imagine my surprise when I completely fell apart. 

As the cool air started blowing in it’s crisp promises of fall fun, so did it blow away the person I once knew.  No longer did I have things together, but instead I was wasting away in my anxiety.  Somehow my anxiety, always lurking and hiding in the shadows, had found the upper hand.  Had found a weakness in my armor, and had taken over my life.

My most important definition of success–creating a genuinely joyful life for my family–was being tested, strained, and beaten.  I pride myself on finding balance, being a working mom and an attached parent.  I had it figured out, joy and balance is my thing.  How did I lose control? 

Everyday tasks like taking my son to preschool, cleaning up spilled juice, or even getting out of bed became mountains to climb.  The second I woke up, the anxiety began churning–thoughts of what could possibly go wrong that day and how my life seemed so overwhelming.

I didn’t wait very long before seeking help–remember, I am a problem solver at heart.  And I had a big problem.  I took my husband with me to the doctors for support, but mostly so he could hear what was going on straight from the doctor.  Because just as much as I needed a light at the end of the tunnel, so did he.  I know my months of panic attacks that rendered me useless put a huge strain on him.

I also dove right into research to learn about anxiety, to try and put logic into a problem that is anything but logical.  That is when I stumbled upon a word that would connect so many pieces–that would make me feel less crazy–that would give me a feeling of power back into my life.

Emetophobia.

One word answered so many questions and quieted feelings of irrationality and craziness. 

I am on my way back to normal.  After some trial and error with medication, research, and support I am feeling like my old self.  I am feeling back in control, and I am the woman, wife, and mother my family deserves…almost.

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My family just kicked off this Christmas Season in the most perfect way.  The Great Wolf Lodge way. 

December marked the 5th annual Snowland at Great Wolf Lodge; a holiday celebration featuring indoor snow, caroling, and seemingly endless family fun.  Not only do you have the thrilling indoor water park but you get all of these activities as well:

·         Holiday Story Time with Mascot Rowdy the Reindeer

·         The Writing Depot, where children can write, decorate and mail letters directly to Santa

·         Polar Wolf Walk, a wintery nature hike for kids to site penguins, polar bears and more

·         North Pole University, complete with educational activities to earn a diploma and special gift

·         Toy Creation Station, where children can create toys to keep or give to a friend  

·         Wrapping Depot for guests to have presents wrapped on-the-spot

·         Special musical guest performances

·         Holiday caroling

·         Santa appearances

·         Animated Great Clock Tower holiday performances

As soon as my family entered the lodge we were embraced in a winter wonderland with sparkling lights, snow, a roaring fireplace, topped off with holiday music and decorated trees. There is holiday joy everywhere you look, and you can’t help but instantly get that warm and fuzzy feeling only happiness can bring. 

After checking in we started our day in the indoor waterpark.  The kids had a blast and so did mom and dad!  After that we headed to the lobby to enjoy cookie decorating and hot chocolate;  followed by a stroll down candy cane lane where the kids got to vote for their favorite decorated tree.

We ate dinner right in the lodge restaurant and let me tell you–the food was delicious.  And to my surprise, extremely reasonably priced!  We followed dinner with a visit with Santa Claus; and of course my son proceeded to ask for a gift way outside of our holiday budget–don’t know how we are going to get out of that!

We then changed into our pajamas and went back into the lobby for caroling and the thrill of real snow falling from the ceiling.  The night ended in our room with a special room service order of cookies and chocolate shakers.

The weekend was filled with great memories and fun and my family is now making Great Wolf Lodge a part of our family traditions.

Snowland runs December 5 through December 25th. 

I would like to thank Great Wolf Lodge for providing my family a complimentary stay to discover and share the wonder that is their annual Snowland adventure.

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I had the very real pleasure of receiving an advanced copy of Eileen Goudge’s latest novel Once In A Blue Moon to read and review.

First and foremost, I love to read. Books are my happy place and with little ones at home, time to relax and read is more than a little hard to come by.

This gave me the perfect excuse: “Honey, you have to clean up after dinner, bathe the children, and get them to sleep. I have to read…it’s my work.” Score.

Once In A Blue Moon exceeded my expectations. Goudge has a real talent for bringing your senses alive. She perfectly tapped into the angst of a girl—a child herself—carrying the responsibility of raising her baby sister.

This is where the story starts, with Lindsey, a 12 year old girl forced to grow up well beyond her years to take care of her younger sister Kerrie Ann, age 3. She struggles to hold their fragile reality together as best as a 12 year old can. Her world shatters when the girl’s mother is arrested and the sisters are sent into separate foster care.

Your heart will ache for these children as they are ripped apart from each other in fierce flurry of tears, panic, and deep sadness.

Lindsey and Kerrie Ann led opposite lives—the system working flawlessly for Lindsey, while quite flawed in Kerrie Ann’s case. Close to 30 years pass, never without Lindsey searching for her baby sister when circumstances reunite the women. And so starts part two of their story.

As you can imagine, different upbringings bring vastly different lifestyles. The girls clash immediately and you are left wondering how the hurt of the past will ever heal, and if friendship and family is in the cards.

Lindsey is forced to deal with emotions she had learned to bury, to keep just below the raw surface, while Kerrie Ann deals with trying to calm her outbursts of anger and emotion.

Both women face their own trouble and adversity, and fall into each others hearts when battling through their seemingly constant uphill battles.

Another unexpected thing came into the sister’s lives—men. Just when they least expected to find the healing that only falling in love can bring, there love was. And heal it did.

If you are looking for detailed imagery, feeling the spectrum of emotion, and a fantastic love story Once In A Blue Moon is a read for you. The story is accurate, to the point, and honest. I am a new fan of Eileen Goudge and look forward to reading more of her work.

Once In A Blue Moon is on bookselves now, so go pick up your own copy and settle in for a good read.

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Happy anniversary love.  I can’t believe it has been 6 years since our wedding.  2 kids and 50 pounds later, I love you more than I did then.  You are still my best friend and my most favorite person.

Big fat smooches.

Here is to less irritation with each other, and more appreciation. Can’t wait to see what this next year brings.

Here is a photo montage starting with us in 1999, and ending this past weekend.

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