Warm Hearts Happy Family

Just keep swimming...

Cough, Cough, HACK.

That was me choking on the ploom of dust that bellowed upward as I cracked my beloved blog.

I have missed my baby, but mama is out making the money honey. One of my 2010 goals is to begin earning a livable income through writing. So that is where my “free time” has been spent. Working with clients that pay well for quality work.

Last year I made a grand total of…drum roll…$275. I know, I know. Baller. Since January I am happy to report that I have earned $615, not bad for 2 months (and on an extremly part time basis, as my real day job takes priority).

Just more arsenal in the hope bank. Hope for my future and hope for my dreams.  And hope for our financial security.

The affirmations keep coming that I am on the right path, that writing is my truth. And that I might actually have what it takes to “make it” doing something that I love.

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I had the very real pleasure of receiving an advanced copy of Eileen Goudge’s latest novel Once In A Blue Moon to read and review.

First and foremost, I love to read. Books are my happy place and with little ones at home, time to relax and read is more than a little hard to come by.

This gave me the perfect excuse: “Honey, you have to clean up after dinner, bathe the children, and get them to sleep. I have to read…it’s my work.” Score.

Once In A Blue Moon exceeded my expectations. Goudge has a real talent for bringing your senses alive. She perfectly tapped into the angst of a girl—a child herself—carrying the responsibility of raising her baby sister.

This is where the story starts, with Lindsey, a 12 year old girl forced to grow up well beyond her years to take care of her younger sister Kerrie Ann, age 3. She struggles to hold their fragile reality together as best as a 12 year old can. Her world shatters when the girl’s mother is arrested and the sisters are sent into separate foster care.

Your heart will ache for these children as they are ripped apart from each other in fierce flurry of tears, panic, and deep sadness.

Lindsey and Kerrie Ann led opposite lives—the system working flawlessly for Lindsey, while quite flawed in Kerrie Ann’s case. Close to 30 years pass, never without Lindsey searching for her baby sister when circumstances reunite the women. And so starts part two of their story.

As you can imagine, different upbringings bring vastly different lifestyles. The girls clash immediately and you are left wondering how the hurt of the past will ever heal, and if friendship and family is in the cards.

Lindsey is forced to deal with emotions she had learned to bury, to keep just below the raw surface, while Kerrie Ann deals with trying to calm her outbursts of anger and emotion.

Both women face their own trouble and adversity, and fall into each others hearts when battling through their seemingly constant uphill battles.

Another unexpected thing came into the sister’s lives—men. Just when they least expected to find the healing that only falling in love can bring, there love was. And heal it did.

If you are looking for detailed imagery, feeling the spectrum of emotion, and a fantastic love story Once In A Blue Moon is a read for you. The story is accurate, to the point, and honest. I am a new fan of Eileen Goudge and look forward to reading more of her work.

Once In A Blue Moon is on bookselves now, so go pick up your own copy and settle in for a good read.

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I feel much better going to work knowing my kids feel all warm and fuzzy and secure in their world.  Here are some things I do to maximize time with them and ensure they feel loved and important.

1. Co-sleep.  I will admit that before I had kids I thought families that co-slept were the crazies.  I think I even said “oh hell to the no, night time is my time” or something very similar.  Little did I know that co-sleeping would become one of my favorite parts of motherhood; and I believe the benefits from doing so will last my kids the rest of their lives.  When my babies can wake up in the middle of the night and know they can snuggle into mom (or dad!) that means something.  And when my kids wake up in the morning and get to share stolen moments of cuddling and giggling and undivided attention that means something.  Maybe it means everything–who knows what kind of impact our mornings will have on their feelings of worth and value and security.  I know sharing your nighttime space seems like a sacrifice but really the opposite is true; everyone involved gains so much. 
2. Planning their day.  So this could fall into the co sleeping category but every night when I tuck my son in we snuggle and talk about what he is going to do the next day–whether I am working or not.  This way he gets the message that I am involved in and care about his day activities, even when I am not home.  Lets face it, he is three so his days mostly consist of playing with cars, playing with trucks, playing with trains–you know–the typical boy automotive fascination.  Daughter is too young to understand anything besides bed = boob time, but I tell her about her day to come anyway. 
3. Calling home.  I make a point to call and talk to my son while at work know matter how busy I am.  This sends the message to him that he is in my thoughts always.
4. Quality time.  I remind myself that tasks that feel more like chores after a long day at work can be quality time; and  time that nobody else can replicate.  For example dinner time.  Let the little ones help you make dinner or set the table, or just encourage them to spend time with you in the kitchen while you cook.  Have family dinners at the table and implement something like the high low game (where each member of the family says the best and worst part of their days).  Make bath time a time to be silly and to connect.  And I think you get my feelings on bedtime–the best time to get one on one contact and interaction is right before they go to sleep.  I love seeing my kids fall asleep with a smile on their face ( and they really do!).
5. Make time for YOU.  This may be the most important thing you can do.  If mom is overworked, overtired, and overstressed (which I have been more times than I would like to admit) than making our kids feel as loved and as important as they are is next to impossible.  When the love we have in our hearts is buried under stress and sleep deprivation the whole family suffers.  Do something every day that is just for you.  My favorite selfish example is to nap.  I just need sleep and husband has finally learned everyone in our house will be so much happier if mom just gets one good nap in per week.  Other days I take a long bath or have a glass of wine and surf the web.  Or have a glass of wine and read a book.  Or have a glass of wine and watch some mindless addictive television.  OK so wine seems to be the theme but I don’t need AA, I swear.  Girl scouts honor.  But every persons unwind button is different.  Maybe you run, or maybe you cook (in which case go ahead and scratch the above kids in the kitchen for quality time nonsense).  Whatever the case may be, be like Nike and just do it.  You are super woman and you deserve time to recharge.

This is a pretty typical day in my house.  While these things may not work for everybody, they changed the way I viewed motherhood; and changed a woman who used to stressed and unhappy into the mom I always wanted to be.

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Please don’t mind me as I am sure your world will continue to orbit around the sun without reading my “what direction should I take my life in now” post. 

Again.

But bear with me my www friends as I can feel my success whispering sweet promises in my ear, can feel accomplishment waiting in my shadows.  For the first time in my life I believe in myself, if only I could get focused.   Lists are the best way to laser in on the specifics, so a list I will make.

I know one thing for sure.  I want to be a writer.  I am not sure what defines a writer, or how much success is needed before giving ones self such a title; but I will worry about that later.  My first question is in what way do I want to become a writer?  Here are a list of things I want to do:

• Have my own column or blog in a national publication.  Shit, start smaller.  Local publication…baby steps.
• Freelance for publication in popular magazines (Parenting, Women’s Health, etc)
• Write a funny and encouraging  “how to” book on breastfeeding from a typical Americans point of view
• Start a children’s book series that I have tried to start for years
• Look for more blogging opportunities

I want to do all of the above but the key is what do I want to put my energy into first.  I will spend the next day or so staring blankly at this list until my next project jumps off the screen, slaps me in the face, and makes me it’s bitch.

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I am in a funk.  The deep funk that makes it almost impossible to smile.  Maybe I am being a little dramatic but I feel blah just the same.

I honestly believe that the entire tone of the families dynamic rests with the inner happiness of the primary parent; or both parents as the case may be.  In my family mom is where it’s at.  Dad–by his very nature–is goofy, happy go-lucky, and full of energy.  He has this unique gift of ignoring all of his life stresses and can find his happy place at the snap of a finger.  Me not so much.  I have to actually be happy to find my happy place.  And it is also me that sets our family tone.  I need to crawl out of this bad mood because there is only so much pretending I can do.

What is causing my normally bright optimistic self to have a low burning irritation that is ready to ignite into full blown rage at the most unsuspecting person?  A few things…

1.  I am so tired.  Now that Diva Baby is nursing much less frequently in the middle of the night I decide to start staying up past 11pm.  Party animal I know. 

2.  I am a chronic procrastinator.  I have recognized how much stress this adds to my life and yet I can not seem to get my shit together.  I leave tasks and assignments to pile up until I have so much in front of me I feel like I might explode with anxiety and exasperation mixed with rage and desperation.  Dramatic again?  My bad.

3.  I need to get laid.  Those Hawaiian flowers are divine. 

I am sure I will bounce back to my positive life loving self tomorrow.  Going home to some good snuggle time with the kids, followed by good wine, followed by a much needed good nights sleep.

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